


Top Reasons Remus Lupin Should Crush on One Sirius Black, written by Sirius Black

by ZoeBen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Remus Lupin, Pre-Slash, Sirius Black has reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24038710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeBen/pseuds/ZoeBen
Summary: Seeing the Potter’s owl struggling under the weight of a package was not a common ordeal. It dropped the manifest on the breakfast table with a thud, causing the sweet buns on my plate to dance likes six years old on a trampoline.The monstrosity was handwritten, tied together with a fine golden string, and titled:“Top Reasons Remus Lupin Should Crush On One Sirius Black, written by Sirius Black.”
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 117





	Top Reasons Remus Lupin Should Crush on One Sirius Black, written by Sirius Black

**Author's Note:**

> This fic can be read as a one-shot PRE-SLASH, but it was written as a bonus mini-chapter for an ongoing multi-chaptered fic :)  
> You do not need to read one to understand (perchance, enjoy???) the other.

Sundays were many things; lazy late mornings, blueberry muffins over tea, telling myself I would catch up on my reading, never catching up on my reading, and friends.

If we are being _purely_ technical, Sundays also have owl post.

But only because, when you were a wizard, every day could _potentially_ include getting owl post. Still, who receives letters on a SUNDAY?

On October 13th, Sunday, 10:12 AM, I did.

Admittedly, it was less of a letter and more of a manuscript.

The barn owl that delivered my mail was atrociously well-fed - A trademark for the Potters life stock. Once, James admitted to me that his four-year-old self overheard a muggle telling her friend about pigs sprouting wings. He reckoned it had the making of a grand pet, (way better than a common _owl_ ) and ran with it, forever overfeeding the poor bird.

Therefore, seeing the Potter’s owl struggling under the weight of a package, was not a common ordeal. It dropped _the manifest_ on the breakfast table with a thud, causing the sweet buns on my plate to dance likes six years old on a trampoline.

The monstrosity was handwritten, tied together with a fine golden string, and titled:

“Top Reasons Remus Lupin Should Crush On One Sirius Black, written by Sirius Black.”

I looked up. James sipped his morning tea, Peter nibbled on a glazed doughnut and Sirius smiled right at me, like the degraded bastard he was.

***

Top reason number 1 – Sirius Black makes Remus Lupin snort pumpkin juice out of his nose. Daily.

That was _one time._

I skimmed the pages, getting comfortable on the windowsill of our dormitory. It was more detailed than I had originally thought; littered with subclauses and footnotes and numerous out of scale anatomical drawings (not that I peeked!). 

Top reason Number 2 – Sirius Black has the potential to become a great pillow, and Remus Lupin loves pillows.

Top reason number 3 - He can also be a spoon.

There was an adjacent little drawing of a tiny spoon growing larger next to the words, “Sirius Black is not particular about positions “.

I guess it _was_ uncharacteristically ~~sweet~~ , humble; I was honestly surprised that “Sirius Black is fit as all hell” was only top reason number seven. Even then it was followed by, “Sirius Black would not date beneath his own standards, henceforth, dating him would make Remus fit as all hell, by association.” 

By top reason number 12 “Sirius Black and Remus Lupin would pull off the rebel-goody-goody relationship like nobody’s business”, I began to munch on a butter-biscuit ( a leftover from our latest trip to Hogsmeade, bought and paid for by Sirius Black).

During top reason number 27 (“Sirius Black Knows all of Remus Lupin’s secret food stashes and had yet to steal from a single one.”) I found myself on my belly, sprawled over the common room rug.

Top reason number 34 was a doddle of a dog chasing his own tale.

Top reason number 35 was a doodle of a wolf.

I had to take a potion class between top reason number 52 “Sirius Black selflessly lends Remus Lupin his clothes” and top reason number 53 “and doesn’t mope ~~that~~ if Remus Lupin looks better in them than he does”.

Of course, I had to strangle a chock on top reason 69, which was empty, but highlighted. Not to mention top reason number 98,” Sirius Black is willing to try any kink at least once, which is lucky because Remus Lupin probably has them all.”

A gross exaggeration, however, I did fan myself after reading top reason number 137, which spread over two pages, front and back. It had themes and, at some remarkable plot point, pirates.

James came to tell me that they were short on a keeper, and would I like to play with them? Only, I had to throw a shoe at him because it distracted me from top reason 245 “Sirius Black would protect Remus Lupin from unworthy suitors.“

Eventually, I found myself sneaking a peek during prefect patrols at top reason number 299,

“They are Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.” 

There was no top reason number 300.

***

When my prefect duties came to their painstakingly slow end, my fellow marauders were gathered around on Sirius’s bed. James was telling them about his latest misadventure, Peter listened carefully, if slightly perplexed, and Sirius… well Sirius was smiling from ear to ear.

Sometimes it was hard to tell if the boy was simply a never-ending grinning machine or if it happened automatically when you walked through the door.

That night was not one of those times…

After I happily impersonated a burrito under my blankets there was nothing left for me to do - it was time to come clean about the unavoidable conclusion that tugged irritably at the edges of my consciousness. 

“I am attracted to Sirius Black. “

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILER ALERT: If you HAVE read my chaptered fic you’d know that, out of context, this is a slightly fluffier version of the events following Remus's sudden epiphany. I meant to write a similar list in the story, but it got viciously edited. Oops? 
> 
> Ta!


End file.
